


bloody roses

by pastel_gremlin



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, hanahaki, hestadil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24764020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_gremlin/pseuds/pastel_gremlin
Summary: anadil knew she was in trouble when she coughed into her fist and a bloody rose petal lay in her hand. she knew she was in trouble when she researched hanahaki disease and discovered she had it. and she knew she was in trouble when she realized that hester was the one she loved.
Relationships: Agatha/Tedros (The School for Good and Evil), Anadil/Hester (The School for Good and Evil), Beatrix/Reena (The School for Good and Evil), Dot/Kiko (The School for Good and Evil), Hort/Ravan (The School for Good and Evil)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	bloody roses

**Anadil's POV**

Hester smiled sideways at me.

"Well, Ani, I think you did it," she said, gesturing to my rats, which are tall enough for their whiskers to tickle my pale face.

"Nearly," I sighed. "They're _supposed_ to be big enough for at least two people to ride on. . ."

Hester scoffs. "This is incredible, stop worrying. You'll be able to make them big enough in time."

My heart lightens at her praise, but I carefully monitor my expression, keeping it blank and emotionless. Those words from anyone else would mean practically nothing, so why did it make me happy when they came from _this_ person?

Outwardly, I sighed. "I hope so."

Hester reaches over and lays her hand on mine. "You'll do great," she whispers. "I promise." My breath catches at her touch, like it always does, but this time it's different. Like I can't get air.

I struggle to breathe for a moment, but I recover quickly and smile at her. "Yeah. Okay."

"Well, I'm gonna head down to the library and study, do you want to come?" she says, standing.

I glance toward my rats. "I'll be there in a minute, I just have to take care of these three." Hester nods, opening the door of our dorm and stepping out. Before it closes all the way, she shoots me one last smile.

I sit on the bed for a moment, savoring the look in her eyes when she smiles. Not her malicious grin or her cruel sneer, no, her Anadil smile. The genuine, beautiful smile that only ever lights up her face when she's with me.

I feel a tickle in my chest and cough into my fist, gently at first, but then it turns into a violent fit where I can't catch my breath. Distantly, I hear my rats squeaking, concerned, but I'm too lost in trying to get oxygen into my lungs to notice.

Finally I can gasp a breath, and I gulp air like I had almost drowned. I glance down, and the sight of what is in my hand makes my heart skip a beat.

Laying on my palm, striking red against my pale skin, is a bloody rose petal.

\--

_Hanahaki Disease._

_The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient's throat will fill up with flowers, they will then proceed to throw and cough up the petals, (sometimes even the flowers). One of the only ways for the disease to 'disappear' is if the said person returns the feeling (it can't be resolved with friendship, it has to be genuine feelings of love). The infection can also be removed through surgery, though the feelings disappear along with the petals. If they choose neither option, or the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient's lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate. There is no specific flower for the disease, but it'll either be the crushes favorite type of flower, or their favorite color. We can only hope for the patients, and pray that the crush's favorite flower isn't a type of rose._

I slammed the book shut.

_Yup. I've got Hanahaki._

_Surgery's out, since the teachers would kill me if they found out I loved somebody. Nevers don't love, so this has to be a secret. Getting that person to love me isn't possible. I don't even know who it is!_

Oh wait. That's probably the best place to start.

_Who do I love?_

Hester poked her head out from behind the bookshelf nearest to me. "Hey! Ani! You almost done over there?"

I hurriedly hid the book - _Illnesses, Ailments, Diseases, and Afflictions_ \- from my friend. "Yeah. Be there in a second." She nodded and disappeared.

I had agreed to come with her to the library under the pretense of researching for a project we were working on. What I actually did was pull out all the books on disease I could find, and looked in the index for "Coughing up flowers." I told Hester that all the research was because I wanted to find a cruel illness to torture the Evers with, and she didn't think twice about it. She actually offered to help, but I obviously declined.

_Okay, first order of business. Narrowing down the suspects._

_It says that the flowers will be your crush's favorite color or favorite flower. I would never love an Ever (pun intended), and none of the Evil students would ever admit that they liked flowers, much less roses. So the question was:_

Which Never's favorite color is red?

Well, that was Hester's favorite, but I brushed her aside immediately. Not her, there's no way I'd ever love my best friend. A _girl_ , no less.

Hort's favorite was green, specifically the exact color green of Sophie's eyes. Ew.

Now, as for Brone's, Ravan, and Vex's. . . I don't know theirs.

But Hester might. "Hey! Hester!" I called. She poked her head through a gap in between shelves.

"Whaddyu want, Ani?"

"Do you know Vex, Brone, and Ravan's favorite colors?" Seeing Hester's skeptical face, I quickly added: "For an experiment. A prank, really."

"Vex's is really dark blue. Brone's is gray, Ravan's is murky brown. Don't ask how I know." She disappeared again.

_Well. That was helpful. I'm no closer to figuring out who it is or how to get rid of these flowers._

I coughed, a petal drifting down and landing on my lap. I frowned deeply, grasping it in my fist and crushing it. Crushing the stupid evidence of my love. My disease, really.

 _Nevers don't love_ , I thought furiously, wrestling back another cough.

_I need to figure out how to fix this, before anyone finds out._

\--

It's been happening for five days now.

I'll be hanging out with someone, usually Hester - actually, no, always her - and I feel a tickle in my chest. I run into the bathroom and throw up rose petals, feigning innocence when I come out and someone asks where I was.

And I'm no closer to finding out who it is that I love.

Hester and Arachne are the only Nevers whose favorite color is red, and I barely know the latter. There's no way it could be Hester, so I'm kinda stuck. Then again, it's probably time to start exploring more options - the flowers are becoming more frequent and there are more petals each time.

I'll start with the shade of red that the roses are: blood red, the exact shade of my eyes.

After some digging, mostly through Hester, I found out that Arachne's favorite hue was a dark crimson. Not her.

Now, there's no way I'd ever love Hester, but I should ask. Just in case.

I'm currently in the library, books containing information about Hanahaki scattered around me. I've spent most of my time in here the last few days, researching as if my life depended on it.

Which. . . it actually does.

I quietly make my way up to Room 66. It's pretty late, but I know my tattooed roommate will still be up. I ease the door open to see Hester sitting on her bed, peering at a book by the light of a slowly shrinking candle.

"Hey," I say softly, careful not to wake Dot, who is sleeping only a few feet away.

She looks up at me. "Oh, hi Ani," she responds.

I sit next to her tentatively, the bedsprings creaking under my weight. "What are you doing?"

She shrugs dismissively. "Just something for class. What are _you_ doing?"

"Well. . . I came up to ask you something. What's your favorite shade of red? I'm just curious."

"Blood red." She studied me for a moment, her black eyes glinting in the flickering candlelight. "Actually. . . pretty much the exact color of your eyes."

Blood red. The color of my eyes. The color of the roses.

_"There is no specific flower for the disease, but it'll either be the crushes favorite type of flower, or their favorite color. We can only hope for the patients, and pray that the crush's favorite flower isn't a type of rose."_

The petals crawl up my throat, but I swallow them down. "Um. . . what's your favorite kind of flower?" I whisper, hoping that she won't answer what a little part of me knows that she will.

"Ew. Flowers are an Ever thing." She thinks for a moment. "But if I had to choose. . . I'd probably say roses. They have thorns and stuff, and they're my favorite color too."

I can't choke them back anymore. I gasp a breath past the petals clogging my throat, and manage to say "Mhm" before dashing out of the room.

I race down the hallway, coughing and wheezing, and skid to a stop in front of a bathroom. I can't make it to the toilet in time, and petals pour out of my mouth like a red waterfall onto the floor. Blood dribbles past my lips, making little droplets on the dirty tile.

I stagger towards the toilet, tripping and catching myself on the rim, throwing up handfuls upon handfuls of flowers. They don't stop coming, blocking my throat so I'm choking violently. Panic sets over me.

_Am I going to die? Am I going to die of asphyxiation here, surrounded by bloody rose petals? Petals that betray my disease, that betray the fact that I'm in love?_

Finally I can breathe, gasping in air, wiping away the blood sliding down my chin and saturating my Evil uniform.

I rock back on my heels, trailing my fingers through the petals on the floor.

I can't believe I couldn't see it before.

The first time it happened, she had just told me I did an amazing job.

Ever since then, it's only happened when I'm with her.

Even before the Hanahaki, my heart would flutter when I was near her, my breath would catch when I saw her, my treacherous lips would curve into a smile when hers did. But I blamed those signs on something else.

The color of the petals should have given it away the moment the first one slipped from my mouth.

But I didn't realize that it was Hester.

Because it is her.

I love her.

I am a Never who loves her best friend.

And I'm going to die because of it. 

\--

**Hester's POV**

Anadil's been acting weird lately.

Really weird.

She'll always run out of the room when we're spending time together, and then walk back in 10 minutes later and act like nothing happened. It's gotten even worse since she asked me what my favorite color and flower was.

Speaking of which. . .

That was _weird._

_Why would Ani ask about my favorite color? Or flower? And why did she look so terrified when I answered?_

_And more importantly. . . why do I care?_

I furiously brushed the thought aside.

Cause she's my henchman.

Yeah.

That's why.

Why else?

I mean, Anadil's as close to a friend as a Never can have.

Hold on. . .

_Companion._

Yes.

That's what Anadil is to me.

Nothing else.

\--

**Anadil's POV**

Hester glances sideways at me.

"Ani, hand me that book real quick, will you?" she asks, gesturing next to me.

I grab the book she had indicated ( _Killing Princesses, Quick and Easy_ ), and hand it to her.

When I do, our fingers touch.

I struggle for breath, blood red flowers tickling my throat and clogging my lungs. I swallow them down, but a cough still slips from my mouth. Blocking my face with a textbook, I pull a petal off my tongue and slide it into my pocket to dispose of later.

Stupid Hanahaki.

\--

My rats are as tall as me now, but still not big enough.

I huff a defeated sigh and bury my pale face in my hands.

_I'm never going to get them big enough in time._

_I'm gonna fail and Evil's gonna lose and-_

The door to Room 66 creaks open. Hester strides in, carrying a pile of books.

She dumps them on her bed and I see the titles - _How to Train Your Demon, Improving Your Special Talent, The Care and Feeding of Rats._

Of course.

Hester sees my trio of rodents and gasps in surprise.

"Ani, these are awesome! They're huge!" She reaches out and strokes rat number two's nose.

I smile weakly. "Thanks, Hester, but I'm not sure I can get them to grow large enough by the time I have to-"

Hester waves my comment away like it's smoke floating in the air. "Nonsense. This is perfect!"

Roses crawl up my throat like the undead crawling from their grave. I cough, tasting blood in my mouth and choking down the petals that try to escape my lips.

"You okay?" Hester asks.

I wave away her inquiry the same way she waved away my doubtful worries. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Stupid Hanahaki.

\--

It's the middle of the night.

I'm still up, pondering ideas on how to get rid of this idiotic disease without anyone knowing.

Ignore it? Nope, I'll end up dead.

Deal with it? See answer above.

Confide in Lady Lesso and have her figure out what to do? No, since the secret will probably get out.

Stop loving Hester? I wish I could.

Maybe I could-

"Hey Ani?"

_Shit._

I roll over to face Hester's bed, and find her wide awake, gazing at me with her coal-black eyes.

"Can't sleep?" I say softly.

"No."

"Yeah. Me neither," I answer with a small sigh.

"Well, Ani, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

_Oh no oh no please don't say what I think you're gonna-_

"Why have you been acting so strange lately?"

_Oh no._

"You keep disappearing, and you aren't hanging out with me as much. And you're researching diseases and stuff for a prank, but whenever I offer to help or try to find out anything beyond that, you just change the subject." A furrow appears in between her eyebrows.

"Did I do something?" Her voice quavers ever so slightly.

_No, you didn't do anything. Besides be so beautiful and talented and funny and snarky and sassy and rebellious and perfect that I'm in love with you and now I'm dying and-_

_Oh my god, Anadil, pull yourself together._

"You didn't do anything, Hester. It's not your fault," I answer, ready to say anything to get that frown off her face. It's not her usual evil scowl, which is nearly always present on her face. It's a concerned, sad, guilty expression that makes my heart break. I wish I could just reach out and caress her cheek and stroke the spot between her brows until it relaxes and-

_OH MY GOD ANADIL STOP IT._

I clear my throat and my head along with it.

"It's really not your fault."

Hester arches an eyebrow. "So you admit that something's going on?"

I internally curse myself. "It's just that. . . I mean, I didn't-"

She reaches out and rests her hand over mine. "Well, if there's anything I can do to help, just ask."

My pulse quickens considerably at her touch, my treacherous heart that fell for her beating so loud that she can probably hear it.

My lungs refuse to comply when I try to inhale.

My throat tickles and I can't breathe and I know I have only a few more seconds before the flowers come up.

"Yeah okay sounds great I gotta go now I'll be back in a bit-"

I rush out of Room 66 and into the nearest bathroom, rose petals and blood gushing out of my mouth.

Stupid Hanahaki.

\--

**Hester's POV**

I cursed myself over and over for wanting to help.

For showing weakness.

For _caring._

Most of all, for the stupid thing I did last night.

She- she just looked so _sad_ , I couldn't ignore that.

And I couldn't bear the thought that _I_ had done something to make her feel that way.

So had to ask - and I did.

And I hadn't done anything. . . but my suspicions were right. Something was going on with her.

And I'm going to find out wha-

No.

No I'm not.

Because I am a Never.

And Nevers don't care.

Nevers don't love.

\--

**Anadil's POV**

After that night, Hester built her walls back up.

After her walls crumbled down in front of me, she fixed them.

She made them higher. Stronger.

She stacked the broken bricks on top of one another in the hope that they will never fall again.

That's the part that makes me sad.

I don't think her walls will ever fall again.

I will never again see underneath the cloak of cruelty and anger that she flings over her insecurities.

I only caught a glimpse of what's back there, that dark night in Room 66, but it was enough.

I saw concern. Worry. Fear. Guilt. Kindness.

And as I darted out the door, roses and blood already in my mouth, I thought I saw something else.

Seconds before the walls slammed back down, I thought I might've seen. . .

Love?

No. That's impossible.

Maybe the Hanahaki is affecting my vision too.

\--

Me and Hester are studying in Room 66 (I'm being very careful to avoid any triggers - like her touching me - so I'm sitting about 4 feet away), when pretty much the person I least expected to burst through the door does exactly that.

Or rather, Dot bursts through the door and that person trails behind, grinning massively.

" _KIKO_?" Hester roars. "DOT! WHAT IS AN _EVER_ DOING IN OUR ROOM?"

"I snuck her over here!" Dot says cheerfully.

I snort. "Like you were smart enough to do that," I mutter. Hester cackles and shoots a smile my way. I wrangle the coughs back and swallow a few times to discourage any flowers from coming up.

Dot simply pouts, but Kiko gets all huffy and annoyed.

"Why are you always so mean?," she asks. "Don't talk to my girlfr- I mean my friend, yes, my _friend_. . . don't talk to Dot like that!"

Hester and I catch the slip, much to Dot and Kiko's horror.

"WHAT?" Hester yells. "DOT! YOU'RE DATING AN EVER? AND _KIKO_ , NO LESS? THAT'S- THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!!"

Dot shrinks back a tiny bit. "Well, I mean, I love her, and-"

"NEVERS CAN'T LOVE!" Hester retorts.

_Nevers can't love._

I taste blood.

My lungs contract, I can't breathe, I feel the disgusting sensation of flowers in my throat.

"Gotta go," I gasp, dodging between Dot and Kiko and out the door.

And there's the usual routine.

Throw up in the nearest toilet. Try to clean up the mess I made. Compose myself and regain a normal breathing pattern. Get the blood off my face and my uniform.

And, of course, direct my mind away from Hester the best I can.

Not that it ever works.

When I get back to Room 66, Dot and Kiko are gone, no doubt off in some remote corner of the Evil castle to snuggle.

Hester sits on her bed, skimming through a textbook. She glances up as I walk in.

A flash of hurt shows in her eyes for a fraction of a millisecond.

She looks back down at her book and ignores me. 

\--

"DOT!"

"W-what?"

"GET YOUR FAT ASS OUTTA HERE BEFORE I THROW UP!" Hester's demon lashed its tail angrily.

"Whyyyyy?" Dot whined, wrapping her arms tighter around Kiko.

"BECAUSE LOVE IS DISGUSTING!" Hester shouted.

"Nevers can love just as much as Evers can!" Kiko huffed.

"No they can't. Nevers can't love and they should never try," I said, hiding the undertone of sadness in my voice.

" _You're_ one to talk! Don't think nobody's noticed the way you look at He-"

 _No,_ I think frantically. _No, no, no, not now._

It's hard to breathe, and I feel the telltale tickle in the back of my throat.

"B-be right back," I manage to gasp out, interrupting Dot, darting out of Room 66 and down the hallway to the nearest bathroom. I barely make it there in time before I am throwing up roses in the toilet. And not just petals. No, this time, big red flowers, stem and all, are coming out of my mouth, the thorns scratching my tongue.

It feels like Hester's demon is raking its claws down my throat and setting fire to my lungs. I can't breathe, my chest is convulsing but I can't get oxygen past the petals blocking my airway. My hands, pale as ever, grip the toilet seat, but I reach up with one of them to pull out a rose whose thorn was lodged in my tongue.

I spit blood, mixed with crushed petals, and am finally able to gasp a breath. I get only a few seconds of blessed air before more flowers crawl up my esophagus and I choke on them, my red eyes watering and streaming tears down my cheek, which I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

This time, what I throw up isn't full roses, just petals and a very alarming amount of blood.

"Ani? Are you ok?" Hester asks from outside the door. I open my mouth to respond, but hearing her voice makes me hack up a new volley of bloody flowers.

"Ani?"

The door creaks open. It's almost like she cares. Which she shouldn't, and neither should I, because I am dying, and I'm dying fast.

And it's because she doesn't love me.

I love her, I have always loved her, but I am not enough. I never have been and I never will be.

Having recovered and caught my breath, I stand up and face Hester, who is peeking her head out from behind the door. My hands and face are a mess, and the entire area below my nose is smeared with blood. A few stray rose petals stick to my fingers, and I don't even want to look at the toilet or the floor.

"Yeah. . . Hi Hester," I say, my voice sounding terrible. My throat is bleeding and screams in protest as I talk, and even as the words leave my mouth, I feel fresh blood stream down my scratched tongue and escape my lips.

"Ani," she gasps, rushing toward me. I react just in time.

My finger flashes green, pushing her backward and slamming the door.

She can't know I have Hanahaki.

She might see the blood-red roses - her favorite color and her favorite flower - and remember what Dot said, and remember that every time I ran to the bathroom was when she had done something. . .

She might put two and two together and realize I love her.

"Ani!" she yells, banging on the door.

I cough violently, bolts of pain shooting through my chest.

"Ani!"

I hack up more roses.

" _Ani!_ "

I puke up blood.

"ANI!"

She tries to bang down the door, her demon scratches frantically at the wood.

Good thing those doors are thick.

"ANADIL!" Hester roars.

I wheeze, swallowing hard.

"No- Go away!" I gasp.

"What's happening?"

"NOTHING!" I yell, the word devolving into a fit of coughing that brings up more petals and blood.

Hester's quickly receding footsteps echo from outside.

I kneel, my knees getting soaked with the small pools of blood on the floor.

My head swims with so many thoughts and emotions and memories that I'm surprised it doesn't leak out my ears.

One memory in particular stands out.

The first time I met Hester.

_I step into Room 66, my rats squeaking in anticipation. When I open the door, I see a girl with black hair streaked red, a skull-faced demon tattoo on her neck, and a nose ring, unpacking her things on one of the beds. She glares up at me with a scowl on her face. All in all, she seems like an accomplished villain. Perhaps even an adequate roommate._

_"Hester of Ravenswood," she sneers, eyeing me suspiciously. "Daughter of Hansel and Gretel's witch."_

_"Anadil of Bloodbrook. Granddaughter of the White Witch," I respond coolly._

_We gaze at each other and something strange shoots between us, like invisible lightning crackling between me and my new roommate._

_I can immediately tell that Hester is special._

The door slams open.

Hester runs in, clutching _Illnesses, Ailments, Diseases, and Afflictions_ \- the book I read to find out what Hanahaki was.

She drops to her knees beside me and flips through the pages.

"Maybe there's something about what you have in here, Ani," Hester says breathlessly, skimming the A, B, C, D and E sections incredibly fast.

The illnesses are in alphabetical order.

I open my mouth and try to figure out what to say.

She reads F and G.

I panic and grab her hand before she can flip the page to H.

"Hester - don't. I'm fine. I can do this myself, I don't need you." That's not very convincing, what with all the blood on my face and the roses scattered around me.

"Ani-" she stops and takes a deep breath.

Ha. Wish I could do that.

"Yeah. You're right." Hester closes the book and tucks it under her arm. She stand up and goes to walk out the door, but looks over her shoulder.

She opens her mouth, as though she wants to say something, but quickly snaps it shut and walks away, closing the door behind her.

\--

Hester's studying.

Dot's off with Kiko somewhere.

I have Room 66 to myself.

I curl up on my bed with a book, sighing heavily.

The aforementioned sigh sends me into a round of violent hacking and wheezing.

The fits of coughing happen more and more often now. They last longer and are much worse each time it they happen.

And _anything_ triggers one.

Seeing Dot and Kiko holding hands.

Hester smiling.

The word _love_ , used by anybody in any context.

Stupid Hanahaki.

I hear voices outside. I try to shut it out and focus on the words I'm reading.

_To perform a fire spell, you must-_

"Hey Kiko?" says Dot's voice from outside the window.

_To perform a fire spell-_

"What?" Kiko asks.

_To perform a-_

"Do you wanna go on a date tomorrow?"

_To-_

"YES!"

Unable to focus, I throw down my book and stick my head out the window.

Just in time to see Kiko lean forward and kiss Dot. They embrace, lips still together, joy and love radiating from the two of them.

I stumble back, my breath rasping in my throat around the flowers that are already coming up. Pain unlike anything I've ever felt before sears through my chest, setting my lungs on fire. I choke, agony flaming through my esophagus, roses clawing their way out of my mouth. Blood pours out like a waterfall, petals fluttering to the floor.

I drop to my knees, trembling and choking. The stupid roses block my throat, thorns shredding the soft tissue of my esophagus. Dazed from lack of air, I reach up and scoop handfuls of flowers out of my mouth, trying to clear my airway enough to get oxygen.

But there are too many, and they come too fast.

My vision turns black at the edges and everything goes fuzzy.

My lungs convulse and my chest heaves, desperately trying to get air, but red dots begin to swim in my field of vision.

Out of all the ways I imagined I'd die, I did not think it'd be choking to death on my love for Hester.

Isn't that sort of ironic? The very person who swore she'd never love anybody, dying because she did.

Fate has a cruel sense of humor.

I cough hard, agony racking my lungs.

Why does dying have to be so damn _painful?_

A sudden fit of dizziness overtakes me, and I collapse to the ground, my cheek resting against the ground, soaked red from the blood that still pours from my mouth, never-ending, like a severely leaky faucet.

_A leaky faucet. Is that what I am?_

_Just a broken household appliance._

_Unfixable._

Room 66 becomes fuzzier and fuzzier until the ceiling is indistinguishable from the floor.

One thing that is still completely recognizable, however, is a rose that lays inches from my face. The outline of each petal is crisp, crystal-clear, even as the rest of the world fades away.

I reach out and curl my hand around the stem.

The thorn stabs into my palm and I wince, releasing it long enough to gaze at my hand. Blood streams down it; that flower cut pretty deep.

Like a macabre metaphor.

Love can only hurt you.

Like roses.

I'm choking to death on them, for god's sake.

I grab the rose again, feeling the pain that shoots through my fingers when they come in contact with the knife-sharp thorns and relishing it.

Suddenly, I find I can breathe again. I gasp in oxygen like I had almost drowned. I guess I had. Almost drowned in bloody roses, that is.

I blink furiously, trying to bring everything back into focus.

But I find that the world only darkens further, becoming nothing but indistinct blobs painted in shades of black and gray.

Ah. There it is.

The world giving me a last moment of respite from the pain before it tosses me into the black abyss of death.

_I guess this is the end. I guess I'm dying now._

I smile, clasping the rose in my bleeding hand.

I close my eyes.

And take my last breath.

_Goodbye, Hester._

_I love you._

\--

**Hester's POV**

I found you in Room 66.

You had been spending less and less time with me lately, to the point where I almost never saw you.

I was studying in the library, alone, in the same spot that we always sat in. I curled up in my chair and tried to ignore the empty one next to it.

It was late at night. I had finished reading _Simple Spells and Curses_ and trudged back up to our room.

I knew that Dot was off with Kiko somewhere, so I figured you'd be in there, grateful for an escape from the Kido PDA.

I pushed the door open.

And screamed.

You were laying, facedown, in a massive pool of blood and roses and petals and thorns.

Your white hair splayed out around your head like a halo of clouds.

Your left hand was holding a single red rose.

I collapsed against the doorframe, dazed and numb.

My brain didn't even register what my eyes saw.

Within seconds, three wolves rushed in, alerted by the sound of my scream. They stopped in the doorway, gazing at the scene in front of them with horror. Quickly recovering, one scooped me up in its arms, one ran off to find someone who could help, and the other knelt next to your body. The one holding me dashed away, even as I yelled for him to stop.

I tried to wriggle out of the wolf's furry arms but he only held me tighter. I tried to unleash my demon but he clamped a paw over my neck. I tried to claw out his eyes but he held my wrists.

I thrashed and squirmed and screamed but he kept me in his arms until we reached Lady Lesso's office.

He slammed open the door and dumped me in a nearby chair, holding me there with one paw as he breathlessly explained the situation to the Dean of Evil. Her expression quickly went from surprised and annoyed to horrified.

"Room 66. . . Anadil. . . laying on the floor, don't know if she's dead or not. . . blood everywhere. . . roses too, that seemed weird. . ." he gasped, panting.

Lesso shot out of her chair and ran towards the door. She paused, her hand on the doorknob, frowning down at me.

I yelled for her to get this mangy cur off me. Well, with a few curse words scattered in there. Her finger glowed purple and I felt my eyelids growing heavy.

"NO! YOU STUPIDLY USE. . . less. . ." Against my will, I began drifting off into sleep. I fought it, struggling to stay conscious.

"You can't just do that, you b. . ." Lesso's finger glowed brighter.

"I. . . hate. . . you. . ." I murmered, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

\--

Lady Lesso wakes me up. I don't know how much time has passed since she knocked me out, but judging by the level of light outside, it has been quite a while.

My finger glows bright red, ready to curse her for making me pass out like that.

"Hester," she says, in such a sad tone that I stop trying to murder her.

"Come on."

Stunned by the air of melancholy mourning surrounding her, I get up and walk after her.

Lady Lesso leads me down the halls and into Malice tower.

We pass Room 58.

We pass Room 59.

Room 60, 61, 62.

Now I'm getting a bit nervous.

Obviously she's heading to my room. What does she want?

63\. 64. 65.

We pause in front of the door I know so well.

"Hester," she says, her voice strained.

"What?" I snap impatiently.

"Anadil. . . she. . . she died."

My world comes crashing down on me.

_No._

_No no no no no._

_She can't be dead._

_There's no way she's dead._

_That's not possible. That can't happen._

_No, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna walk into Room 66 and Anadil's gonna be laying there on her bed, and she's gonna prop herself up on one elbow like she always does, and she's gonna smile her beautiful smile and her red eyes will twinkle mischievously, the way they do when she pulls a prank on someone, and she's gonna say "Hester, you idiot, how could you think I died?" and she's gonna laugh her sweet, musical laugh and explain that it was all a prank, an elaborate scheme she had set up._

_Yes._

_Yes yes yes yes yes._

_She can't be dead._

_There's no way she's dead._

_That's not possible. That can't happen._

_Anadil's alive, of course she is._

_And I'm gonna walk in there, and she'll explain, and we'll both laugh at how stupid I was to fall for something like that._

"Go on inside. You can see her," Lady Lesso says. I'm surprised to see unfallen tears glistening in her eyes.

With the reassurance that she is not dead, that she is very alive, that her heart will still beat steadily, that her pale chest will still rise and fall with her breath, that her blood-red eyes will still gaze at me happily, that her lips will still curve into a gorgeous smile, I push open the door.

And see Anadil, laying on her bed, her heart not beating, her eyes not glowing, her lips not smiling.

Anadil is gone.

Anadil - my best friend, my love, my life, my everything - is gone. 

\--

I try to tell myself that the reason I feel this way is because she was my friend.

I try to tell myself that I'd feel the same way if it was Dot or Agatha who had died.

But I know that's not true.

If another of my friends had died, I would be sad. I would be miserable, really. But that is not what I'm feeling. That is nothing compared to the crushing despair that is about to tear my world apart at the seams, to unravel reality as I know it. It feels like someone stabbed a hole clean through my chest.

No, not _clean_ through.

The wound has jagged edges, edges that hurt and bleed and are too deep to heal.

It's like someone ripped my heart out of my body and tore it to shreds. I can't catch my breath, and I fall to my knees beside her bed.

I reach out a trembling hand and touch it to her arm lightly. Her skin is as cold as it always is, but now it's different.

She used to be like stone - cold, but pulsing with life.

Now she's more like metal. Still just as chilly, but lifeless.

I know what Hanahaki Disease is.

When I found Anadil in the bathroom, surrounded by blood and rose petals, the thought crossed my mind that she had Hanahaki.

I dismissed it, telling myself that Nevers can't get Hanahaki, because Nevers can't love.

My suspicions were reinforced when she stopped me from reading farther in the book, just before I reached the H section. But I ignored it, saying it was simply a coincidence that she stopped me there.

The reason I left when she told me to, instead of staying and insisting I help her, was because she grabbed my hand to stop me turning the page.

My heart skipped and danced in my chest at her touch; my skin tingled as it came in contact with hers.

 _Nevers can't love, Nevers can't love, Nevers can't love_ , I had chanted to myself.

I left because I hated the way I felt. I denied the truth.

That's why she got Hanahaki.

The love was not unrequited, but it counted as that because I couldn't admit my stupid feelings to myself.

A lump forms in my chest and I cry, tears pouring down my face as I grasp her limp hand and twine our fingers together. Wrenching sobs build in my chest, threatening to rip my ribs apart.

This is unfair.

This is so unfair.

Anadil shouldn't have died.

She was a young, beautiful, promising Never. She had her whole life in front of her. She was going to do great things, the likes of which our world has never seen. I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if she made it into Nevermore.

But now she can't do any of those things, all because I was too stupid to realize how I felt.

I love her.

For fuck's sake, I _love her._

But I was too caught up in the whole "Nevers don't love" crap that I didn't realize I returned her feelings until it was too late.

She is gone.

She is gone, she is gone, she is gone, and there's nothing I can do to bring her back.

I don't know how long I knelt there, clasping onto Anadil's pale hand like a lifeline.

I don't know how long I knelt there, sobbing until I couldn't breathe.

I don't know how long I knelt there, hating myself for being the reason she got that stupid disease, the reason she coughed up those godforsaken flowers, the reason she is laying here, the reason she is dead.

I don't know how long I knelt there, screaming for her to please come back, that I needed her, that I loved her.

I don't know how long I knelt there, crying next to my best friend, my heart breaking beside the dead body of the only girl I've ever loved.

\--

It was the first time a student had died while still at the school.

So the spur-of-the-moment funeral seemed strange.

Like no one really knew what they were doing.

They probably didn't.

The teachers had hurriedly set up the funeral in the foyer, chairs and benches ready to sit in, but I stood in the back corner, alone.

It was the day after you died.

My tears were long gone. I was completely numb.

I had cried next to your bed for over three hours.

I felt more emotions in those three hours than I had felt in my entire life. And now. . .

I feel nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

However, that was not true for anyone else.

Dot sobbed in Kiko's arms, even though the Ever was crying almost as hard.

Agatha's face was buried in Tedros's chest and her shoulders shook.

Sophie frantically dabbed at her quickly dripping mascara, but only smudged her makeup even more in the process.

Hort and Ravan tried to hold in their pain, attempting to act macho, but they ended up in each other's arms, tears streaking their faces.

Even Beatrix and Reena weeped, comforting each other.

Everyone was crying but me.

Whether Ever or Never, student or teacher, boy or girl - everybody had tears in their eyes.

Oh, Ani, you don't realize how much your death hurt us all.

But the only one who isn't crying is the one who hurts the most.

In front of all the chairs sits an undecorated black coffin.

Your coffin.

I never thought I would think those words.

_Ani's coffin._

It never occurred to me that you would even need a coffin. I never thought about the fact that you would die someday. I think it's because some little part of me realized that the reality of a world without you was too terrible, too painful to imagine.

But now that unimagined fantasy _is_ reality.

I felt a tickle in my chest and coughed - hard. So hard it hurt.

And in my hand lay a small rose petal.

Pale white. The exact color of your skin.

I coughed again, harder this time. Luckily everyone was crying too hard to notice me standing against the back wall.

This time, a blood red petal lay in my palm, next to the other one.

White - the shade of your skin.

Red - the shade of your eyes.

There's no mistaking it.

I have Hanahaki, just like you did. I am in love with someone who does not love me back.

 _Cannot,_ really.

Because the one I love is dead.

\--

After the funeral that I paid no attention to, they moved her body back into Room 66. They were going to move her somewhere else, thinking it weird that they'd keep a dead body in a dorm room with two other people, but one well-placed glare from me made them give in.

It's getting late. They're doing exemptions from class for today, so the students and teachers can "mourn the loss" or something.

Dot's off with Kiko. Obviously.

I didn't go to breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner.

All day, I sat on the edge of her bed, coughing up red and white roses, memorizing her face. I already know the curve of her mouth and the shape of her nose and the tiny scar near her hairline from that time her rat scratched her by heart. But I need to emblazoned every detail of her face into my mind before they take my Ani away.

They're going to bury her in Necro Ridge tomorrow.

They're going to take her away from me and trap her in a coffin six feet under the ground.

My finger traces the lines of her face. The curve of her brow, over her closed eyelids, gently across the tips of her long eyelashes. The side of her nose, her pale cheek, the line of her jaw.

I find myself lingering for a long time on her lips. For some reason, I want to remember this part of her the most.

_True Love's kiss._

My eyes widen. Why did that pop in my head?

I remember all the old fairy tales; the guy would kiss the girl back to life and they lived happily ever after.

Well I'm not a guy, so it wouldn't work. Right?

Not just that - I'm Evil. We're _both_ Evil. Nevers can't love-

But they _can._

I love her, she loved me. . .

I overhear the teachers talking outside the door.

"She shouldn't have died this quickly. Most Hanahaki victims take months to die. . ." Professor Manley's voice says.

"And it usually wouldn't get this bad, especially not this early," said Professor Sheeks. "I wonder why-"

Lady Lesso cuts her off. "Because Evil's love is the strongest kind of love."

Their receding footsteps echo down the hall.

_Evil's love is the strongest kind of love._

Maybe- maybe it could work? Maybe if I kiss her. . .

No. It wouldn't work. The laws of physics and anatomy and biology wouldn't allow that. . .

It was a stupid idea.

_Then why can't I stop looking at her lips?_

I guess. . . why not take the chance? I can't rely on this, if it doesn't work.

No no no: _when_ it doesn't work. It's not going to.

I lean down, my hand sliding from her lips to her cheek.

This is so _stupid!_

Aside from the fact that True Love's kiss would never actually work, there's no way I'm her True Love! That's so _dumb!_ Nevers don't even _have_ True Loves. . .

Right?

I find myself leaning in closer and closer, caressing her cheek, fingertips tracing her jawline.

There's no difference in temperature between Dead Anadil and Alive Anadil. Both are cold. But one is lifeless.

Our noses almost touch. I tilt my head to the left, just slightly, and the side of my nose brushes against hers.

I stop, my lips nearly touching hers. Less than a millimeter away.

If this doesn't work. . .

I force myself to not think about what would happen if I had to live the rest of my life without Anadil.

Closing my eyes, I shorten the tiny remaining space between us and press my lips to hers. I kiss her gently, tears slipping down my face and dripping onto her cheeks.

Hesitantly, I pull away, my eyes still shut, begging the universe that when I open them I will see Anadil's beautiful smile. Praying to a god that I don't believe in that Ani will be alive. That somehow my kiss could bring her back to this world, could save her from the edge of oblivion. . .

I open my eyes.

Her eyelids are shut, her lips still have a faint blue tint, and her skin has the pallor of a corpse.

My Anadil is still gone.

I bury my head in her shoulder and cry.

My Anadil is gone forever and nothing will ever bring her back. 

\--

When Anadil died, words cannot even begin to capture my emotions. Sadness doesn't scratch the surface, despair doesn't come close, grief is far from it.

But now that I have been given this hope - this possibility that she might come back - and had it ripped away from me. . .

That is even worse.

I am beyond tears.

I lay beside her, my nose buried in her hair, inhaling her smell that is already fading fast, becoming replaced with the scent of a corpse.

Is that all she is now? Just a dead body?

I lean up slightly and look at her face again.

And I choke in horror at what I see.

Her face is dessicated, decomposed, maggots crawling over rotting flesh and skull. Flies buzz around her head, the incessant drone of the insects boring into my ears.

I gag and scramble away from her, blinking fast-

And all of a sudden, she is back to normal. Her skin is pale and perfect; unmarred by the disgusting insects that would prey on her flesh. She is beautiful, even in death.

I reach out a trembling, hesitant hand and touch her cold face.

She is real.

I kneel on the bed next to her and dig the heels of my hand into my eyes.

I'm going crazy.

I'm fucking going crazy.

What other explanation is there?

Losing Anadil has made me go insane.

I cough and choke on red and white roses, leaning over the edge of the bed and watching them pour out of my mouth.

The pile of flowers and blood is growing.

I have to take rapid, shallow breaths, because if I fill my lungs any farther, it brings on an agonizing fit of hacking and wheezing.

This is what Anadil went through, every time she'd disappear.

I collapse next to her and wrap her in my arms, her head against my chest.

"I love you, Ani," I whimper. "I love you I love you I love you. . ."

Arms wrap around me and a raspy voice whispers: "I love you too."

I jump back and see a sight I never thought I'd see again.

Anadil gazes at me, her blood red eyes shining with happiness, her heart beating steadily.

My Ani, very much alive.

"Ani. . ." I gasp, tears of joy streaming down my face.

She smiles at me through tears that drip down her face as well.

"Hester."

I tackle her in a hug, pushing her back onto the bed.

"I thought I'd lost you," I murmer, my voice muffled by her hair. She pulls back slightly, just enough so that our noses are almost touching, and then leans forward and kisses me.

I find that flowers no longer threaten to burst out of my mouth each time I breathe.

My Hanahaki is gone.

Because I am in love with someone who is alive.

And she loves me back.

True Love's kiss is all well and good, but the words - those three little words that mean nothing when separate but everything when they're together - are what hold the real magic.

And now, my Ani is here.

My Ani is alive.

She breaks the kiss for a moment and I gaze into her beautiful eyes, eyes the color of the bloody roses that took her away from me.

"I love you," she says, in her raspy, throaty, wonderfully gorgeous voice.

"I love you too."

Three simple words.

Just three short words with the power to bring someone back to life.

Three little words that brought my Ani back to me.


End file.
